I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
