How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At least life still wants to fuck me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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