I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
