It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
