I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
