You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
