my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
