im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
