i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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