Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
