i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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