I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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