I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize