how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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