do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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