You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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