Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
