your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize