So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
