I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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