apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
