I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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