final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
