so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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