We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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