I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
