You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
