I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
