What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
