The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize