Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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