i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
