Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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