If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
