Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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