Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
