My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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