Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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