so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize