I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
