I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
