Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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