I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
