Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
