we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
