i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
