I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
