I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
