You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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