just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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