I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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