hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
