I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
