think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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