And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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