Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
