I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
