She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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