I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
