I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
