dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
