8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
