Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
